moodswing

I'm having this incredible moodswing for I don't know why. These days, my PMS doesn't only came on the pre-period, but also on the post period. Usually, the post-perod is worse.

I've told you about the dream right? Well, the dream stimulate this post-period moodswing. I hate it, I do...but I can't distract myself. I thought about it, him (again..I know you're bored seeing me drowned, so do I...trust me!!), ended up hating him. hahhahah li'l bit of hate, it's not that much.

I reflected on the past, kept thinking about relationship thing, and I saw that he's just not that into me I guess, no matter how hard he tried to convince me that I'm everything to him, I just didn't see that for various reasons. I know sometimes what we see is not what the real things, but I have to believe what I saw, it simply makes more sense.

Then I hold my chin up, I have everything lay ahead, yet, I don't know what will happen and try not to worry alot. This relationship thouht took alot of my energy. I definetely freaking out a.k.a terrified if I had to be in the same position again. Giving everything I could, do my best, and ended up with nothing. I thinks it's the aging thing that made me have less interest on putting my heart on the line. I'm tired of the first-fake thing, where you only saw the best part of your significant other, then the second phase where you started to knew eachother deeper and deeper, and the third phase where you have to accept everything and live with it, then the fourth phase part a, where everything didn't worked out...it hurts!!! it hurts badly that I don't think I can take it anyore. Or the Fouurth b, where it leads you to a new beginning. See how I'm supposed to put my heart on the line?...no fun at all! I don't want to go through all those phases...I learned that the older you got, you'll became more of a save player. Your bumper became not bumpy...

God, I hate surviving phase....I want to get through with it and start something new. I can't belive I'm still here after 5 months of GB escape plan...Damn! Get out of my head you brainless freaking bastard!!!! I hate you, one day you'll see this thing that I'm having, happens on your side! your side! (it's one of my guilty pleasure to swear...hehehhe) I need hypnotherapy..please...I need it badly to move on..the road is too long and took more time than I expected while the clock is ticking...

I need plans...more plans.... maydaayy!!!!!
















there's nothing wrong on glancing back, as long as it's just a glance..