27..2009

hihihihi

aku ulangtauunnn....

yups, year 27...single...carreerless (i do have a job, but not a carreer)....tryin to get her master degree somewhere on the other part of the world. I see nothin much, this year's bday is rather flat :) the most important thing is that I thank God for giving me the opportunity to knit my life, thread by thread. My FB wall is filled by prayers and greetings from friends and families. Again, I thank God for having them as a part of my life..those who remember this day. Some of them are those I never thought would remember, or even have time to wrote greetings..yups...that's right friends, when you're far, you'll knew who your true friends are. In contrast, there are people I expect to greet, but I see nothing yet..no emails, no texts, no msgs,...nothing. But that's fine, I don't demand them to remember. If I am special to them, if they still remembers,..they'll greet (belated also counts ;p ). If not, it doesn't matter. Life's still good....

A sip of wine, and off to bed...happy birthday me.... :)

music effect

I figure out in most of my cases, musics plays an important role, although I can not play music at all..heheheheh. There are songs that kinda brings up my mood when I was down. Some has relaxing effects, or passion effects, or simply calming me down..

I post these song list here if you guys have any intention to hear it. This time, I found Jason Mraz's "details in the fabrics" the most suitable for me. Its calming, put less pressure, and encouraging in a way...



You should try though....it's nice...

my recommended songs are:
1. Jason Mraz - details in the fabric
2. Kings of Convenience - Cayman's Island
3. The Cranberries - Just My Imagination
4. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter
5. India Arie - The Heart of The Matter
6. My Chemical Romance - Helena
7. The Killers - Mr Brightide (my best buds love this song, and we could dance and race to the max while playing this tune...hihihhihi)
8. Local song by Netral - Sorry
...............................................

what about yours? share it with me will ya?...

moodswing

I'm having this incredible moodswing for I don't know why. These days, my PMS doesn't only came on the pre-period, but also on the post period. Usually, the post-perod is worse.

I've told you about the dream right? Well, the dream stimulate this post-period moodswing. I hate it, I do...but I can't distract myself. I thought about it, him (again..I know you're bored seeing me drowned, so do I...trust me!!), ended up hating him. hahhahah li'l bit of hate, it's not that much.

I reflected on the past, kept thinking about relationship thing, and I saw that he's just not that into me I guess, no matter how hard he tried to convince me that I'm everything to him, I just didn't see that for various reasons. I know sometimes what we see is not what the real things, but I have to believe what I saw, it simply makes more sense.

Then I hold my chin up, I have everything lay ahead, yet, I don't know what will happen and try not to worry alot. This relationship thouht took alot of my energy. I definetely freaking out a.k.a terrified if I had to be in the same position again. Giving everything I could, do my best, and ended up with nothing. I thinks it's the aging thing that made me have less interest on putting my heart on the line. I'm tired of the first-fake thing, where you only saw the best part of your significant other, then the second phase where you started to knew eachother deeper and deeper, and the third phase where you have to accept everything and live with it, then the fourth phase part a, where everything didn't worked out...it hurts!!! it hurts badly that I don't think I can take it anyore. Or the Fouurth b, where it leads you to a new beginning. See how I'm supposed to put my heart on the line?...no fun at all! I don't want to go through all those phases...I learned that the older you got, you'll became more of a save player. Your bumper became not bumpy...

God, I hate surviving phase....I want to get through with it and start something new. I can't belive I'm still here after 5 months of GB escape plan...Damn! Get out of my head you brainless freaking bastard!!!! I hate you, one day you'll see this thing that I'm having, happens on your side! your side! (it's one of my guilty pleasure to swear...hehehhe) I need hypnotherapy..please...I need it badly to move on..the road is too long and took more time than I expected while the clock is ticking...

I need plans...more plans.... maydaayy!!!!!
















there's nothing wrong on glancing back, as long as it's just a glance..

what's with me?

Gw lg asli ga semangat ampu2an nih..gatau knp, pdhl smua bjalan biasa aja gt, ga ada yg aneh.
Lucunya lg, smalm gw mimpi kumpul ama org2, gatau itu siapanya si doi,
Tapi trus si doi ngumpulin kita buat ngasi tau dia mau merit.
Gw ama leny tuh, dan gue dsitu ngerasa aneh aja pas ngeliat dia ama cpwn
Huhu gw ama leny cm sok cool sambil bcanda2, pdhl siii hahahaha mo pulang cpet2
Hahahah mimpi yg aneh siy..tp sperti ngasi pertanda kl gue masi mendingan ga usa ktmu aja dulu ama doi.
Heheheh biarin ngasi ksempatan buat diri gue sembuh maksimal :p

valentine 09

"Dulu 100% kamu...sekarang 100% dia"

Seketika kata2 itu terngiang2 lagi di kuping gue. It's been ages, but it sounds just like it was yesterday (yet I'm still not getting my 100% share!!!! hahaha). Duh, knapa juga musti sekarang ingetnya. Knapa juga musti pas valentine....

Dan yaaa...ketika kata2 itu terngiang, gue jadi suka kebawa larut dalam angan gitu. Anehnya semakin kesini, gue semakin malas ketemu dia. Ada rasa enggan aja gatau knapa. Kayak kmaren ngomongin thesis, ada satu topik yang bisa gue jalanin di Jakarta, bayangin aja...di hometown gue!!! sayangnya itu pas summer (secara Easter gue mo jalan2 dan itu gabisa dganggu gugat!), dan gue berpikir (iya ini silly...I know..) kalo gue balik, si doi (halahhh....doi...) blom kewong, pastinya dia pengen ketemu gue dan gue males setenga mati ampe milih mending ganti topik daripada harus balik ketemu dia. Bukannya gue apa2, tapi ada sebagian diri gue yang berusaha bangkit, which is aga mustahil kalo gue masi ketemu dia. It's better off seperated gitu dee..At least ampe nanti hopefully gue udah bener2 ilang rasa pas nantinya harus ketemu ama dia.

Anyway, secara gue lagi ngabisin waktu disini, gue liat resto ama toko kartu heboh ama urusan cinta2an. Gue sendiri sebagai yang 'merayakan nya each and every day' ga ngeliat ada dampaknya di gue. Sahabat gue nulis notes di facebook yang disitu dia bilang

"I wish I have someone special to share with while most of my friends are with their special someone. I'm so happy for them...with a li'l envy feeling inside..heheh"

huhuhuhu dia gatau aja tuh, gue juga ngerasa yang sama. Bookkk gue tar lagi udah lewat quarter life; masih aja valentine sendirian...hihihihi. Mana tu resolusi getting into a stettled relationshit? blom juga ampe sekarang. Yang nungguin gue dengan setia malah deadline2.

Walaupun rame di city center, gue sih nggak ngerasa ambience-nya valentine ya, nggak kayak xmast yang kerasa banget disana sini. Malem ini, smua berjalan layaknya seperti biasa. Normal dan datar. Well nggak tau sih gimana di club, secara gue nggak anak club amatan juga.

I suppose it would be woderful to have someone to share with ya....gue inget dulu gue ama anak2 kampus duka bikin acara makan malem gitu dimanaaaa gitu buat valentine-an. Atau ama anak2 rumah suka iseng aja bagi2 kado kecil nggak penting tapi lucu. hehehehehe disini, nggak ada acara kayak gitu...

But it's all good, kan gue ngerayain valentine-nya tiap hari...berbagi kasih sayang ke semuanya..ihihihihihih cuman lucu aja tiba2 keinget doi, sahabat, temen2 kampus...yup...those good old days....

time does fly ;p

mumet.

Duh...kyknya kuliahnya br mulai, tp gw uda mumet.tugas numpuk, topik disertasi masi nol. Otak gw sndiri kyk udah penuh buat diisi ina ini itu lg..huhuhu mate bgt ga siy gw..

Snow is pouring down the road..du du..du...

It's the first snow I've ever seen....I could've take more picture, but I was starving, so I grab some lunch when the snow is pouring....I hope this heals the curiosity :D enjoy...a bit of Exeter snow..

2-02-2009