for a reason.

I never enjoy this pms thing.

Since he's back on twitter, I sometimes tweet no mention in reply to his tweet(s). If you ever asked me why I did that, it's because I'd love to get re-connected to him, but somehow I don't have the courage. Somehow I'm terribly afraid that he wouldn't accept me. But today, I did the tweet no mention again, and he replied. Some part of me are happy. Some aren't.

Happy because although he erased my pin, he still follows me on twitter. Well, that's another story. To cut it short, I never replied to his last text msg. I'm letting it be. Hopeless to get things back as it used to be. When everything went well.

Thus, I'm sad because it makes me remember all the things we used to do. The late night jokes, the unimportant thing we talked for ages, the serious chat, everything. I missed all those things. I miss his presence on guiding me on track. I miss his comforting words. There are still some promises we haven't had the chance to deliver. I suppose it won't happen. Ever.

I have to admit he plays an important role in my life. If it wasn't him who did the effort, I'm not sure I am where I am today. I might be lost. He handled me very well at that time. I was on a very critical phase, and he managed to put me back on the right track. But since things aren't going well since then, I'd rather have him just the way when we're apart.

I believe everyone was here for a reason. Including him. I choose to believe that he was sent to bring me back to my sanity. Now that I'm here already, his tasks is done. It's my turn to do all the hard work. And what about him? He's still there...watching me from a far.

While some part of me wish he would be here..watching me closely...

solitude.

I miss living by myself
I miss having to do the routines
I miss doing groceries
I miss choosing the cheapest products
I miss buying veggies that almost due its 'best before'
I miss cooking on my own to cut costs
I miss friendly gatherings
I miss checking promos
I miss hurrying myself into discount places
I miss early morning queing in front of NEXT on boxing day and summer
I miss putting all the stuff found in discount to my bag,
and deciding which one that I should have refund on on the day after
I miss the euphoria of finding bargain yet good quality stuffs
I miss calculating the things I want into working hours
I miss going to a lunch with bunch of girls
I miss having dinner in resto on cold winter nite
I miss sipping drinks in 'coolings'
I miss strolling high street..thinking nothing
I miss dinner at the Ichsan's
I miss what I had
Not because I dislike what I have now,
I just simply miss it...I miss UK...
It's only a year, a year that I'll never ever forget..
My Fortress of Soulitude...

angels vibe.

hatiku senaaaaannggggg!!!

I really believe that I have so many angels without wings around me. It is like they were sent from heaven to plum my mood -plum was the term used by Pandji Pragiwaksono to make you feel better when you're feeling blue. If it's blue, put pink...plum it!.

Few days ago, I was fighting one of the lousiest Friday traffic+rainy day to went to the Isra' Mi'raj celebration. My best friend was sick, and I had to go alone. But somehow I really wanted to go there. I met some friends, those that I haven't seen for a while :) Suddenly my friend said that she bought me a book :) I really want that book but couldn't find it anywhere!! PRICELESS!!

And today, as I arrived in my friend's house, one of them said that she has something for me. And she brought me something that I have always wanted!! Hihihihih I am so excited, may God bless you dear :))

I do feel that I need them. I need to go to those gathering, because I want to, because I'd love to. Even more when I don't feel good bout myself, physically or emotionally. Being around wonderful people can make me feel better, their aura spreads to mine. Believe it or not, it hapens in me.

thanks peeps...love you much..

kebon pedes. june '10

Sudah menjadi tradisi bahwa setidaknya dua bulan sekali gue, nyokap, dan keluarga kakak gue nyekar ke bogor - kebon pedes. seneng kalo liat makamya bersih. Sayangnya terakhir kesana, keadaannya bener2 kotor, kayak ga pernah ditengokin. Kasian eyang, mungkin pada blum sempet aja yaa. Didukung oleh cuaca yang bolak balik ujan, bikin tanaman ekstra cepat gondrong.

Pak Udin bergegas ke arah makam saat melihat kita datang. Pak Udin ini penjaga makam dari jaman baheula. He's like the one who has all the keys. Begitu besar pengabdiannya ama makam, dengan seragam biru tua dan sepatu boot karet, lengkap dengan parang+sapu lidi di tangan.

















tanamannya sampai menjuntai ke lantai..hampir menutupi sisi2 makam di atas pagar besi.

















bala bantuan mang Udin yang bekerja ngeberesin makam


Beliau dan anak buahnya pun langsung bebersih makam, kita pun ikutan turun tangan sambil ngasih arahan supaya begina begini begitu. Makam diperindah bukan karena syirik, tapi supaya yang dateng ngerasa nyaman. Berdoa di bawah keteduhan, apalagi kalo siang..enaknya minta ampun. Setelah bersih, maka kita mulai melakukan ritual berdoa.

All my prayers for you eyangs....semoga bahagia di sisi-Nya. Sekarang Makam-nya udah bersih dan cantik lagi :) sampaiy jumpa bulan depan eyangs..