when love and hate collide (part deux)

Rupiah menguat! sbagai warga negara Indonesia, menyadari kalo sebagian besar rakyat negeri ini bertopang pada nilai rupiah, saya berbahagia. Berarti, bangsa ini diuntungkan. Berarti, daya beli masyarakat meningkat. Good for us! Apalagi di tengah krisis dunia (walau alhamdulillah sekali, di Indonesia ini nggak terlalu kerasa yaaa), negara kita berhasil stabil dalam perekonomian, atau bahkan bisa dibilang meningkat.

Di sisi lain, secara saya belum bekerja, dan mengandalkan tabungan GBP...saya miris :((((( semakin hari, nilai GBP menurun, dan daya beli saya menurun. Hadeeeeeeeeehhhhh....apes benner ini namanyaaaaaaa.......huhuhuhuhuh....

Must. Get. A. Job. Soon.

tenaga kerja.

susah banget cari kerjaan. udah apply sana sini blm dapet juga. ga dpanggil interview lah, ga ada kabar lah. They don't even bother to send a rejection letter. Hellooo saya mengangguuurrr!!!!!!

connected.

yes saya tau saya telat. tapi saya sekarang bisa wifi-an di rumah..hehehhe *jingkrak2 sendirian*

photo session

Rino pengen bikin portfolio buat side job-nya di photgraphy. Sekarang ini dia lagi seneng banget ama infra-red photography. Tawaran job udah ada, tapi dia blom pede kalo nggak ada contoh hasta karya-nya itu. Hnah, kebetulan kan ada anak2 yang selalu sedia menjadi korban percobaan (tentunya termasuk gue yang super murah buat diajak kmanapun). So we set the date to take pictures...di Sentul. Yes, mereka sudah survery, gue percaya aja lah yaaa..

Dengan mengusung tema piknik, aseli properti yang dipake banyak bet. Hold on, bukan dipake, tapi disiapin!! hahhah aiya, ada kembang2 jepit rambut, topi super duper lebar, head band, dll. Ready to go aaahh!!!!!! Akhirnya kita sampe Sentul jam makan siang..which is kita tentunya laper. Tapi nggak lama sih kita makan siang, soljum. Abis itu mulai foto2. Yang jadi model utamanya Kay, Aldo, dan Nita. Keluarga ini bertiga lah yang utama, sementara gue Edo dan Rendy (as always) adalah si tim rusuh. Sukur2 kalo bagus bisa di publish (wuuuhuuuwww!!!).

Banci2 foto ini ga butuh waktu lama loh buat luwes di depan kamera dengan sejuta gaya dan posisi. Hasil fotonya kata Rino mau ditaro di web gitu, tapi blom tau apaan. Gue udah advise buat ikutan taro di weddingku.com dan FD. Ntar kalo web-nya udah jadi (tp katanya masi lama), atau hasilnya udah selesai di-olah digital, gue akan share beberapa. Jangan kaget kalo liat gue nampak semacam poliandri disitu..hahahah namanya juga modeeeeelll (aiiih matteeee!!!!)... I've got few pictures on my camera tho, but that'll be "the making of"..or the "behind the scenes". Will share some when I got the chance to post it online...

It's been quite a while loh since we do things together..and to be able to do it again..it's always been...priceless...

the other side.

grandoooossss......me need your point of vieeewwwww!!!!!
maydaaaayyy!!!!!!

when love and hate collide.

This is it. This is what they called "when love and hate collide". It's been years, and it happens twice that I was being the one who is in the position of loosing. He never managed to live alone, always sorrounded with girls. He's the one who slept with other girl, got her pregnant, and hated her for making him suffer. I call it payback time. This time I thought I healed. I thought I'm back on my feet. Yet I'm standing in one. My other feet really wants to kick his ass. The thing between us has never been able to be extinguished. We can only managed to escape for a while from the reality that it never exist.

I do want to escape for good. I wish I could say no, and never turned back. I'm still trying to find out how to do it. Maybe I just have to do it, not to wait for tomorrow, or later on. I wish "US" never happened. Yes, I am that angry to say it. He always said that I'm the best he ever had. However, I never see it in his actions. It remains as words. If you feel it, you have to show it. Or else, they wouldn't know.

And back to the same conclusion, once a bastard, always a bastard. It is just how it is. I can't bear to have this kind of man in my life. He's not strong enough to be my man. But he still has the capabilities to hurt me. This is the battle I am fighting. Should I be Buffy, or Blair Waldorf? I suppose some people just don't know how to grow up. Never learn from the past. Maybe it's their education, maybe they simply don't have the will. I haven't found the perfect answer.

The worst thing he did was making me deel traumatized to men. I saw men as a horrible ridiculous creature that I can never trust. They never show their feelings perfectly, the only thing they have in mind is sex, and they rarely have a brain. Yups, he did it perfectly. And yes again, he did nothing to fix it. Making a mess, and never cleans it.

There I said it...love and hate collide.

Oh, when said to someone that he is a good leader... I didn't mean it. He's awful.

And when someone that I thought my friend -since she knew my stories and begged me to be with him again- , turns out to be with him, she's no longer my friend. Period.

Screw you...what's left? Use him sporadically...I'm saying this to everyone. Hope you'll dissappear and rotten in hell...

again.

fooled again.

same guy, same plot, different details. Instead of looking for someone like me, why don't try me?

Once a bastard, always a bastard.

There IS a line between friends in friendship. Some people just not smart enough to understand ethics. Or he/she is simply not a friend. Period.