when love and hate collide.

This is it. This is what they called "when love and hate collide". It's been years, and it happens twice that I was being the one who is in the position of loosing. He never managed to live alone, always sorrounded with girls. He's the one who slept with other girl, got her pregnant, and hated her for making him suffer. I call it payback time. This time I thought I healed. I thought I'm back on my feet. Yet I'm standing in one. My other feet really wants to kick his ass. The thing between us has never been able to be extinguished. We can only managed to escape for a while from the reality that it never exist.

I do want to escape for good. I wish I could say no, and never turned back. I'm still trying to find out how to do it. Maybe I just have to do it, not to wait for tomorrow, or later on. I wish "US" never happened. Yes, I am that angry to say it. He always said that I'm the best he ever had. However, I never see it in his actions. It remains as words. If you feel it, you have to show it. Or else, they wouldn't know.

And back to the same conclusion, once a bastard, always a bastard. It is just how it is. I can't bear to have this kind of man in my life. He's not strong enough to be my man. But he still has the capabilities to hurt me. This is the battle I am fighting. Should I be Buffy, or Blair Waldorf? I suppose some people just don't know how to grow up. Never learn from the past. Maybe it's their education, maybe they simply don't have the will. I haven't found the perfect answer.

The worst thing he did was making me deel traumatized to men. I saw men as a horrible ridiculous creature that I can never trust. They never show their feelings perfectly, the only thing they have in mind is sex, and they rarely have a brain. Yups, he did it perfectly. And yes again, he did nothing to fix it. Making a mess, and never cleans it.

There I said it...love and hate collide.

Oh, when said to someone that he is a good leader... I didn't mean it. He's awful.

And when someone that I thought my friend -since she knew my stories and begged me to be with him again- , turns out to be with him, she's no longer my friend. Period.

Screw you...what's left? Use him sporadically...I'm saying this to everyone. Hope you'll dissappear and rotten in hell...