the world and the after life.

I've been trying to learn more about my religion lately. The thing is, the more I know, the less I understand. Like when it comes about our life in the world and the after life. In Ramadhan, during the month, we are supposed to be more attached in to activities that'll secure our place in the after life. But as a human, we do work for our life. If we have to concentrate totlly on our after life security activities, we might lost what we've been building so far in life. I believe my religion shouldn't make it any harder. There's gotta be some ways to overcome the problem. Such as win-win solutions. I still have plenty un-answered questions.

The more I know, the less I understand....

the first among the girls.

From the moment we were teenagers, and grew up, we put on a bet on who's the first one that's getting married. The bet was on the girls, because of the age factors and our local Eastern tradition. However, things didn't seems to work the way we'd expect it to be. The guys said the vow first. So far, there are two (out of 9) is married, June another one is getting married, yes..all of them are guys. I thought it's acurse that all the girls are not so fortunate when it comes to love life. But the curse is about to break.

Leny is getting married. They've talked about it quite seriously, and as alway...I'm the who became extremely happy. Especially since she's like a sister to me. I never had a sister, with her, I feel like I have one. We share everything. Like practically everything. She taught me how to do y first kiss, and all dating thingy. She rescued me from a not-so-well date(s). She's the one who stood by me and encouaged me whenever I'm in a low down. Yet, she never against me on any of my relationshit. She's always happy for me although she knew exactly that the guy I was with is a complete a** hole. Then again, she let me cry on her shoulder, and managed to find me a time in her loaded schedule.

By those reasons, how can I not be happy :D I'm the one who's very excited. I asked my friend to get me one whole set of toiletteries from M&S for her. And I'm so ready to be her bumper and accompany her through all the way. I might as well cry, but these are the tears of happiness. I am so happy. Suddenly, the thing of me being single is no longer major issue. I do stressed out a bit for not having a secure relationship (well, that's the story we wnted to be, that by the time one of us is getting married, the others would aready in a secure relationship..not everything goes the way we want it too tho..); but her happiness, and her matters comes first.

Hopefully, after one of the girl is down the isle, soon the rest will follow...Amiiinnn

disconnect.

Semakin hari gue semakin menemukan ketidak cocokan antara gue dan dia. I've told you guys that he's fanatic right? not to mention that he supports poligamy. I might as well say that I do believe it happens, but I don't support it. I still think that it's not fair for women. Men and their ability to be fair? Who can ever guarantee? Even our own prophet does not sure that he's fair enough although I believe he tried his best and he probably does. So then I made myself clear that I'm not discussing it, (as well as he is) to get married with eachother. So we're clear about it.

I've been sharing my man for the last few years, and I came to a conclusion that I don't enjoy it. Thus, such behavior is unacceptable in my manners. Please do understand that some people maybe that strong to hold on. Well, I am definetely exclude in that group. I only want a normal life. Me, one man (husband) and kids. A normal life.

It's about time to call it off. Dead end, and the next thing to do, to go back and start again. I'm tired, but I can't stop. I have to go on, and have some faith. Singletini's, here we goooo!!!!!

fanatic.

it turns out to be that he's a fanatic follower...and I'm not comfortable with it.

the one that made me stoned.

him : please do consider
me : about what?...

............ (he stepped out from the car, while the taxi was waiting for him)

him : please consider that I might propose you for a marriage
me :.................... (silence, shocked, and I am so damn sure my face changed!!!)
we'll talk about it later
him : of course we'll talk about itu later, not now :)


still shocked. to this second.

my blushing moment

highlight of the day...


h : I have a strong feeling that you can be a good wive :)
m : yeah rite, this time? when I have doubt about spouses?
I mght be the one who think that u could be a good husband.
h : tapi aku serius tadi itu :) you'd be a good wive
m : tau darmana?
h : yo're a keeper
m : aaauuuuwwww *blushing*
h : okay. now you're not. hwaaehaheahehah :))

it's nice to hear nice things came out from....him....

(Late) twenties and baggages.

Beberapa hari lalu gue ngobrol panjang sama sahabat gue mengenai hidup. Berat ya topiknya? Eiym! Kalau ditelaah lebih dalam lagi, obrolan kita ampe mendalami latar blakang keluarga. Unfortunately, kita berdua, dan bberapa yang kita juga diskusikan di topik nggak punya background keluarga yang normal. We all seems normal, but in fact, we're not. Setiap orang punya rahasia dan permasalahannya sendiri2. Tau ga ujung2nya apaan? Pasangan hidup.

Kalo udah di penghujung umur dua puluhan gini, paham banget kan kalo keluarga (inti maupun nggak) seakan mendesak supaya "cepet nikah". Nah, itulah permasalahan di ujung sananya. Nengok sekeliling, temen2 kita udah pada merit, punya anak, punya anak kedua (atau sedang program), atau lebih gila lagi...berencana cerai. Bukannya ga mau, bukannya nggak berusaha, tapi...ga semua cerita berakhir sesuai dengan yang kita harapkan.

Seiring sruputan root beer di A&W, cerita demi cerita bergulir. Si M yang selama ini kita liat perfect as in she's everything that a man could want..ternyata she's the one who struggle on each relationship. Si L yang normal, ternyata tiba2 tau kalo dia bukan keturunan biologis orangtuanya yang sekarang ini. Si T yang udah having a steady relationship, ternyata masih berpikir berkali2 untuk melangkah lebih lanjut. Si A juga punya tekanan dari keluarga (orang tua yang udah cukup berumur) untuk segera berkeluarga. Sementara gue dan sahabat gue ini...we are our parent's only hope to throw a proper wedding. One thing in common: baggages. We all have baggages and loving them.

Sometimes persoalan pasangan hidup ini ga berenti di titik menyembuhkan luka hati kita. Tapi luka hati di baggages kita ini. Kekecewaan hati kita, kita masih kuat nanggung. Tapi kekecewaan orangtua, ipar, dan keluarga (secara gue tetanggan ama keluarga kakak gue yaa)... itu lebih dalem. Pertama, mereka pasti sedih kalo hubungan kita dengan seseorang berakhir, karena mereka akan ngeliat kita sedih juga. Kedua, berarti dalam urusan si pasangan ini, kita harus memulai lagi dari awal, mengenalkan lagi, dan melalui fase penyesuaian yang cukup meletihkan. Ketiga, waktu terus berjalan..reality bbites, biological clock is ticking. Everytime a relationship ended, it's the baggages that we care the most.

We want our baggages to be happy and proud of us. But when it comes to finding "the one", we are absolutely clueless. It's not that we're doing nothing, we tried..we always do. But we just haven't found the one. All we can do is to pray to God to give them a chance to be there when we say "I Do". Amiin...

when love and hate collide (part deux)

Rupiah menguat! sbagai warga negara Indonesia, menyadari kalo sebagian besar rakyat negeri ini bertopang pada nilai rupiah, saya berbahagia. Berarti, bangsa ini diuntungkan. Berarti, daya beli masyarakat meningkat. Good for us! Apalagi di tengah krisis dunia (walau alhamdulillah sekali, di Indonesia ini nggak terlalu kerasa yaaa), negara kita berhasil stabil dalam perekonomian, atau bahkan bisa dibilang meningkat.

Di sisi lain, secara saya belum bekerja, dan mengandalkan tabungan GBP...saya miris :((((( semakin hari, nilai GBP menurun, dan daya beli saya menurun. Hadeeeeeeeeehhhhh....apes benner ini namanyaaaaaaa.......huhuhuhuhuh....

Must. Get. A. Job. Soon.

tenaga kerja.

susah banget cari kerjaan. udah apply sana sini blm dapet juga. ga dpanggil interview lah, ga ada kabar lah. They don't even bother to send a rejection letter. Hellooo saya mengangguuurrr!!!!!!

connected.

yes saya tau saya telat. tapi saya sekarang bisa wifi-an di rumah..hehehhe *jingkrak2 sendirian*

photo session

Rino pengen bikin portfolio buat side job-nya di photgraphy. Sekarang ini dia lagi seneng banget ama infra-red photography. Tawaran job udah ada, tapi dia blom pede kalo nggak ada contoh hasta karya-nya itu. Hnah, kebetulan kan ada anak2 yang selalu sedia menjadi korban percobaan (tentunya termasuk gue yang super murah buat diajak kmanapun). So we set the date to take pictures...di Sentul. Yes, mereka sudah survery, gue percaya aja lah yaaa..

Dengan mengusung tema piknik, aseli properti yang dipake banyak bet. Hold on, bukan dipake, tapi disiapin!! hahhah aiya, ada kembang2 jepit rambut, topi super duper lebar, head band, dll. Ready to go aaahh!!!!!! Akhirnya kita sampe Sentul jam makan siang..which is kita tentunya laper. Tapi nggak lama sih kita makan siang, soljum. Abis itu mulai foto2. Yang jadi model utamanya Kay, Aldo, dan Nita. Keluarga ini bertiga lah yang utama, sementara gue Edo dan Rendy (as always) adalah si tim rusuh. Sukur2 kalo bagus bisa di publish (wuuuhuuuwww!!!).

Banci2 foto ini ga butuh waktu lama loh buat luwes di depan kamera dengan sejuta gaya dan posisi. Hasil fotonya kata Rino mau ditaro di web gitu, tapi blom tau apaan. Gue udah advise buat ikutan taro di weddingku.com dan FD. Ntar kalo web-nya udah jadi (tp katanya masi lama), atau hasilnya udah selesai di-olah digital, gue akan share beberapa. Jangan kaget kalo liat gue nampak semacam poliandri disitu..hahahah namanya juga modeeeeelll (aiiih matteeee!!!!)... I've got few pictures on my camera tho, but that'll be "the making of"..or the "behind the scenes". Will share some when I got the chance to post it online...

It's been quite a while loh since we do things together..and to be able to do it again..it's always been...priceless...