time.

Almost 3 weeks now. Can't believe how busy we are that we haven't got the chance to say hi. As weird as it seen, I decided to let things flow and not to push things. Statistically speaking, I haven't got much time left. We'll see. Just see :)

locked.

oh well, maybe all these things i'm writing will stay locked inside.

All i ever wanted, was a happy ending. Although some people said that when it's happy, it's not the end, yet. Years after years, you stood there to guide me, persistently on my side. And I begin to think that you're the one. I don't know yet tho. You're a good man, a very fine gentlement. But on the other side, the fact that you're being mysterious is exhausting. Until when I could hold on to this? You're everything but normal. I kinda feel this is going very slow. And you always put me on your hook. I might have to be blunt to ask you to take off that hook. I begin to got the pattern. When I text you an announcement, you won't reply. You won't respond. At all. Okay, you do sometimes. Barely. You only respond to things that excites you. I don't see me excites you that much. Hey, whatever. I don't really care. As long as you don't say that the worlds revolves around me. How come it doesn't when I only have limited access less than normal relationship. I freqwently asked how yo're doing, how's your side, and got no response. Then what should I talked about? yes! me. I want you to know much about me. I should've just shut up and see how's it going. I need to let loose. This being serious kinda thing made me expect much from us. For example, to speed things up. To try and work things out FAST. It might be my ego, but that's because I don't know what's going on on your side. I consistently been missing you. I don't think being apart do any good. This feeling of being attached, is not good. I'm always good at being on my own, controlling my own plate. This is something I need to work on. While we're apart, let's just took some time to figure things out. I believe you already did, I'm the one who need it. I want to have a normal relationship, but what's normal? define normal? So silly to believe that the expert in communication seems like lack of communication. Lots of things going on, and i need some time to breathe...

i.dope.u

we're too busy. we're not distance apart, but we're events apart. I don't get us. I don't get you. Abstract. Sometimes its just too damn scattered that I can only enjoy and try not to think too much. I don't know where you're taking me. I close my eyes, and feel...

What's the worse thing that could happen to me? .....

I dope you...

tight money policy

need to make several adjustment; particularly in financial area due to sudden changes in family condition.

investment needs to be reduced - light impact to future, changes in priorities. Target is to reduce ratio to 30-40% only. be less aggressive!

daily life cost needs to be reduced - but still live comfortably (less coffee shops visits; less luxury spending)

efficient costing - telco cost can be reduced, make sure all settings are correct

THERE. I'm officially in tight money policy

humph.

niat ke bandung buat contemplating berakhir dengan sebuah keputusan yang akan mengejutkan banyak pihak.

all I have to do is to make myself REALLY SURE.

beyond a smile.

Tuhan,

aku kehabisan kata

aku kehilangan muka

aku duduk terdiam

sunyi sepi sendiri

Tuhan,

Engkau ingat kan saat aku tulis surat itu?

saat aku memohon kepada-Mu

dua buah hal dalam hidupku

Tuhan,

belum menginjak tengah tahun,

baru di kwartal pertama,

Engkau kabulkan kontan keinginanku,

tanpa basa basi

Tuhan,

sungguh aku bahagia,

tapi izinkan aku turut terdiam

izinkan itu menjadi rahasia kita

untuk beberapa saat..

Tuhan,

disela kebahagiaan yang Engkau limpahkan,

tersisa duka atas kesedihan para sahabat,

belitan masalah yang cukup berat,

meninggalkan keputusan akhir yang memilukan

Tuhan,

maafkan aku dan kelemahanku,

badanku lunglai mendengar kisah mereka

satu demi satu.. hari demi hari

hatiku seperti disayat dan ditoreh

ternyata banyak yang jahat, Tuhan...

Tuhan,

tolong aku dengan membahagiakan mereka,

aku dan segala keterbatasanku,

tidak sampai hati aku melihat mereka bersedih,

tolong kembalikan senyuman ceria mereka,

yang senantiasa menemaniku,

mewarnai hari2ku...

Tuhan,

kuingat janji-Mu bahwa setelah sulit,

akan Engkau beri kebahagiaan berlipat2.

Jadikan mereka pribadi yang kuat ya Tuhan,

semoga hadirku dapat meringankan beban mereka

Terimakasih ya Tuhan,

atas waktu-Mu mendengarkan aku;

hanya kepada Engkau aku memohon,

dan kukembalikan segala urusan pada kuasa-Mu

torn apart.

Just when I had my own happiness....

* a good friend of mine cancelled his wedding, only a month before d-day.. cause of cancellation? money, social status, wealth.. a reason that is too low for an educated girl like her.. how words could disguise attitude, yet finally the truth revealed..

* a good friend of mine got tired with her boyfriend whatsoever.. she's tired of being the one who nurture him, and nothing in return..

* a good friend in my previous office had her wedding last Saturday, and I wasn't invited.. later I found out that none of the youngsters were invited... still, I'm surprised..

I really hope everything went well with my journey...

ever yours, ever mine, ever ours...