humph.

niat ke bandung buat contemplating berakhir dengan sebuah keputusan yang akan mengejutkan banyak pihak.

all I have to do is to make myself REALLY SURE.

beyond a smile.

Tuhan,

aku kehabisan kata

aku kehilangan muka

aku duduk terdiam

sunyi sepi sendiri

Tuhan,

Engkau ingat kan saat aku tulis surat itu?

saat aku memohon kepada-Mu

dua buah hal dalam hidupku

Tuhan,

belum menginjak tengah tahun,

baru di kwartal pertama,

Engkau kabulkan kontan keinginanku,

tanpa basa basi

Tuhan,

sungguh aku bahagia,

tapi izinkan aku turut terdiam

izinkan itu menjadi rahasia kita

untuk beberapa saat..

Tuhan,

disela kebahagiaan yang Engkau limpahkan,

tersisa duka atas kesedihan para sahabat,

belitan masalah yang cukup berat,

meninggalkan keputusan akhir yang memilukan

Tuhan,

maafkan aku dan kelemahanku,

badanku lunglai mendengar kisah mereka

satu demi satu.. hari demi hari

hatiku seperti disayat dan ditoreh

ternyata banyak yang jahat, Tuhan...

Tuhan,

tolong aku dengan membahagiakan mereka,

aku dan segala keterbatasanku,

tidak sampai hati aku melihat mereka bersedih,

tolong kembalikan senyuman ceria mereka,

yang senantiasa menemaniku,

mewarnai hari2ku...

Tuhan,

kuingat janji-Mu bahwa setelah sulit,

akan Engkau beri kebahagiaan berlipat2.

Jadikan mereka pribadi yang kuat ya Tuhan,

semoga hadirku dapat meringankan beban mereka

Terimakasih ya Tuhan,

atas waktu-Mu mendengarkan aku;

hanya kepada Engkau aku memohon,

dan kukembalikan segala urusan pada kuasa-Mu

torn apart.

Just when I had my own happiness....

* a good friend of mine cancelled his wedding, only a month before d-day.. cause of cancellation? money, social status, wealth.. a reason that is too low for an educated girl like her.. how words could disguise attitude, yet finally the truth revealed..

* a good friend of mine got tired with her boyfriend whatsoever.. she's tired of being the one who nurture him, and nothing in return..

* a good friend in my previous office had her wedding last Saturday, and I wasn't invited.. later I found out that none of the youngsters were invited... still, I'm surprised..

I really hope everything went well with my journey...

ever yours, ever mine, ever ours...

L.D.R

it's been two weeks but we missed each other badly almost everyday since week 2... how are we suppose to survive for the next 50 weeks?..

we

Thanks for your trust in me. It'll be a journey we'll never forget. There will be less 'you' , and less 'me', but there will be a lot of 'we'. May God bless our relationship.

something always...

brings me back to you..

-gravity: Sarah Bareilles-

and when I have the idea to close chapter you, you did it again. you asked me to visit you in Bandung. Oh my, what is it with Bandung? I am always related to that city.

The thing about you asking me to come and visit was never been expected. It is good to know that you're trying to let me in, in your mysterious life. however, as usual, our classic issue always on the way. we never could get our schedule synchronized. I don't know what to do about it. I can't control it. I tried to reach you but you're drifting away. we're both busy, and distance apart. Impossible to meet up without any plans. Please bear with me and work things out. We'll see how it goes, and we'll figure out what to do next. I'm overwhelmed with the invitation but I'm keeping my feet on the ground.

crossroad.

I don't know where to start.

Okaiy. So here we are. Clueless with what we have. I see you acknowledge that you are THAT mysterious to me. Despite how much I enjoy your company, our endless discussion, our intense untold feelings, I have no idea how long I could bear with this. My clock is ticking. I have plans. You have plans. I don't know, and not sure if it'll ever meet halfway, or someway.

I don't know how much time I have left. I do wish I could have the chance knew you better. Much better than how well I've known you so far. And fast. Yes, fast. Not in a hurry, but you know... to assure me to go for it or to turn the other way around. I do think I know how you feel, but if you never told me, then I would be assuming. Which is bad. Assumption is not supported with facts. Please tell me. Even if you think I can't handle it. None of us would know if none of us tried. We'll deal with it.

I am tired not knowing. Of having unanswered questions. This is not what I had in mind. This is not how I want it to be. I need securities, in any forms. If you can't provide that, then I am closing chapter 'you'.

You should believe that I am good being alone. Although having a company would be better, even great. I am no longer that girl who dreamed of prince charming. All I want is someone who have the same willingness to go towards the same direction. You or I might fell once in a while, but we'll figure things out eventually and rise again. Someone who'll be there for me, who I believe can be my team mate in this game of life. Love? maybe someday love will grew.

Surprised? I am not good in relationship. I often screw things. But I learned. And this time, I do hope it'll last... No more drama, no more tricks...

So dear, I am sorry to put you in such a long journey on a rough and winding road. All the best for us. Cheers..