year end.

Gosh, it's almost year end...

Can't believe I've made it this far with him. It wasn't an easy adjustment, and still an ongoing process even to this second. I knew it's not easy to deal with me. I'm skeptical when it comes to relationship. Past experiences made me more aware on any risk and consequences. Yet, relationship doesn't works like mathematics, you can not calculate every risk and opportunities. Well I do wish it could be that easy. But most of the times, you can only do your best and let God do the rest.

I suppose with him, God really helps to make it works. Long distance sucks, the closer the better, and look at me now. Long distance. Communication? that's another issue. Although I'm struggling with plenty of un-replied texts, emails, not to mention un-answered phone calls, we're still where we are today. I'm still working on that area, though. He is a fine man, I used to think he's perfect. Now that I knew more, he's not. None are perfect. It's a matter of acceptance and compromise. Proper communication could make it easier. But we talked about important things that are fundamentals, more than just small talks.

He's everything I'm not. I'm everything he's not. Opposites attracts? Maybe. We became more serious right when things went pretty bad on his side. It was crazy. Remember when I said I once dreamed about us, waaaaay before the relationship begins, maybe even when we started to knew about each other? Well, that comfortable feeling is what really happens now. Apart from all of the adjustments we need to work on, I am very comfortable with him.

We'll never knew where the future is going to take us, I'm just taking it step by step, one at a time. Again, all I can do is to do my best, and pray may everything went alright somehow. If it's meant to be, it'll find its way.

This year, everything changes. I changed, my life changed, and my views changed. Let's see what 2012 has to offer... Whatever it is, I'm ready. Bring it on, I knew it's going to be awsome :)

re-activate

re-activate me, I mean. After a while I haven't wrote a thing, I finally got my own laptop. Wait for my stories anytime soon...

something in the middle.

there's always something came up in the middle when we're about to meet. maybe we're not supposed to see each other yet. I was supposed to expect nothing. What happens now is...I'm feeling flat. Not sad, not hurt. Flat.

time.

Almost 3 weeks now. Can't believe how busy we are that we haven't got the chance to say hi. As weird as it seen, I decided to let things flow and not to push things. Statistically speaking, I haven't got much time left. We'll see. Just see :)

locked.

oh well, maybe all these things i'm writing will stay locked inside.

All i ever wanted, was a happy ending. Although some people said that when it's happy, it's not the end, yet. Years after years, you stood there to guide me, persistently on my side. And I begin to think that you're the one. I don't know yet tho. You're a good man, a very fine gentlement. But on the other side, the fact that you're being mysterious is exhausting. Until when I could hold on to this? You're everything but normal. I kinda feel this is going very slow. And you always put me on your hook. I might have to be blunt to ask you to take off that hook. I begin to got the pattern. When I text you an announcement, you won't reply. You won't respond. At all. Okay, you do sometimes. Barely. You only respond to things that excites you. I don't see me excites you that much. Hey, whatever. I don't really care. As long as you don't say that the worlds revolves around me. How come it doesn't when I only have limited access less than normal relationship. I freqwently asked how yo're doing, how's your side, and got no response. Then what should I talked about? yes! me. I want you to know much about me. I should've just shut up and see how's it going. I need to let loose. This being serious kinda thing made me expect much from us. For example, to speed things up. To try and work things out FAST. It might be my ego, but that's because I don't know what's going on on your side. I consistently been missing you. I don't think being apart do any good. This feeling of being attached, is not good. I'm always good at being on my own, controlling my own plate. This is something I need to work on. While we're apart, let's just took some time to figure things out. I believe you already did, I'm the one who need it. I want to have a normal relationship, but what's normal? define normal? So silly to believe that the expert in communication seems like lack of communication. Lots of things going on, and i need some time to breathe...

i.dope.u

we're too busy. we're not distance apart, but we're events apart. I don't get us. I don't get you. Abstract. Sometimes its just too damn scattered that I can only enjoy and try not to think too much. I don't know where you're taking me. I close my eyes, and feel...

What's the worse thing that could happen to me? .....

I dope you...

tight money policy

need to make several adjustment; particularly in financial area due to sudden changes in family condition.

investment needs to be reduced - light impact to future, changes in priorities. Target is to reduce ratio to 30-40% only. be less aggressive!

daily life cost needs to be reduced - but still live comfortably (less coffee shops visits; less luxury spending)

efficient costing - telco cost can be reduced, make sure all settings are correct

THERE. I'm officially in tight money policy